If you ask somebody a question and they say no every time. Eventually you will/should  stop asking them.  The disparate parts of me keep asking, I keep asking myself, should I go have a cigarette?  The answer I want to give is no, but really that just means not right now.  It is a fierce mental game and you gotta keep your head in it.  I counted the cigs I had left till Sunday and realized that I didn’t have enough for the ease off I was trying to do.  That natural smoker panic jumped into me and it occurred to me that I am torturing myself by drawing it out.  I believe that it will get easier to say no each time I say no and harder each time I say yes.  I cannot fail at this.

I need to set a drop date.  The goal that day being 0 cigarettes.  I need to smoke 0 cigarettes on that day.  I feel I should make this day a weekend so that hopefully there will be less stress.  Sunday.  I may stop sooner than that.  But my goal is to smoke 0 cigs on Sunday 9/10/17.  Absurd that its taken me this long to set a date.  That’s 4 days from now.

I smoked less today than yesterday and even hit a 3 and a half hour stint where I didn’t touch a cigarette.  I continued my path of smoking a few drags when I felt I needed it, but always after postponing it for at least 5 minutes.  No smoking time schedule today – I didn’t track it and today was too hectic for me to remember honestly.

I will track it tomorrow.  Saturday night I’ll throw away all remaining cigs before I go to bed. 

So I’ve cleaned out my car and removed the ashtray.  This is my second day on the patch.  I didn’t smoke any full cigarettes today.  3-5 drags each time I smoked.  I tried logging those times, but I’m terrible at tracking myself. My memory is good though.

• 11:15 pm – Got done cleaning my car.
• 905 – Put Chloe in bed
• 750 – came home from work
• 640 – Got off a successful call
• 5:00pm
• 3:00pm
• 1:00pm
• 10:40am
• 9:40am
• 8:15am
• 7:45am

I woke up this morning around 7:15 and tried to hold off on smoking that first cig.  Two days ago I was smoking 17-18 cigs a day.  I’ve started smelling the 3rd hand smoke residue on the things around me. Also, Megan questioned if  I was on Adderall or something because I was cleaning.

Money Saved – $15

Health – Not worse than yesterday

Chloe – Spent more time with her today